Assertive Personalities

Did you know that when men walk down the sidewalk, most of them will keep walking straight ahead and most women will move out of the way? I’m not sure how men keep from walking straight into each other, but my guess is there is some sort of sizing each other up and at the last moment one defers to the other.

The reason I mention this is because it is a good analogy for what it is like when a person has a very assertive personality. These individuals do not realize how many people are stepping out of their way and deferring to them in conversations. The road ahead looks generally quite smooth because they infrequently run into other people blocking them. Thus, when they do come across another highly assertive personality they are annoyed at how difficult that other person is. "What’s the matter with them!"

Well, "the matter with them" is they are experiencing a colision of assertive personalities. Walking straight down the sidewalk, getting their way most of the time and clueless at the need to be more socially adept. The image that comes to mind is of those two stubborn Zax (from Dr. Seuss) standing face to face while the rest of the world is getting along just fine.

If you are a highly assertive person, and you find yourself repeatedly getting stuck with another co-worker, first of all, stop blaming them for being obstinate and difficult. They are overly assertive, but so are you. Secondly, shift your strategy from endlessly holding your ground and shift to listening. What are their priorities and time frames? Where are they willing to give? Shifting into "listening mode" for awhile will bring you to their side instead of pushing against them head-on. By shifting into listening mode, you will gain more information and hopefully come up with some alternative solutions that might be acceptable to both of you. People who are excellent at negotiation are excellent listeners.

If you are not an assertive person, and you are constantly dodging the more assertive personalities in your life,try owning your own space on the sidewalk occasionally, figuratively speaking. You will be surprised to find out that many people are more than happy to accommodate your requests.

Do you have a question for Patti? Send an email to patti@pattilind.com and it may be answered in next month's newsletter.