Tell the Right Story

When something bothers us and we get upset, we also have a tendency to overreact. We might fire off an email, lash out at others, or make demands only to find out later that we’ve jumped way ahead of the facts. At this point, we are two steps in the hole with the person we are trying to work with.

The book Crucial Conversations points out the need to "Master Our Story" before moving into conversations of high consequence. When our emotions run high, we have the tendency to convince ourselves that we are being victimized by aggressive or incompetent others. But closer reflection reveals that we have taken a couple of facts and built an entire story around it…usually a false story.

Communication Tip

Once you feel the heat of indignation rise within you, it is wise to step back and review the facts. If facts are scarce that is a warning sign that personal story telling has come into play, take the time to search for more objective facts. If circumstances are such that you can't find anymore facts then you can counterbalance your tendency to portray yourself as a victim by asking yourself "How am I 100% responsible for what occurred?" That’s right: 100%. I do that on occasion and find it to be a great way to clearly view the facts that are completely within my responsibility, which could have led to the disappointing results.

Obviously we are all contributors in conflict situations, but I have found that sometimes only owning 50% of a situation can leave plenty of extra room for negative story telling and blame. Push a little harder, and you will find many ways you could have improved a high stakes situation.

Do you have a question for Patti? Send an email to patti@pattilind.com and it may be answered in next month's newsletter.