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Opening Your Hands Opens Your Mind

Hold your hands out in front of you as if you were holding an imaginary big ball. Everything between your two hands is the wholeness of you: your thoughts, concerns, aspirations, feelings, experiences, desires. When people listen to us with curiosity and without judgment, our hands are able to stay open.

But, when the listening response is disinterest, impatience, discounting, mocking, annoyance, and anger our hands come closer together. We reveal less and less of ourselves. Think about the people in your life and how constrained in their presence you have become because it is clear that offering your full self to them isn’t something that is wanted. Even people who love us dearly, can be very narrowing in what they can accept in us.

When we offer less of ourselves, that impacts the quality and depth of our conversations. This affects the stability of our relationships, which ultimately impacts the choices that we are able to make as we negotiate work, family, and life.

Lately when I have been listening to people, I have imagined my hands in front of me inviting them to be their whole self with me. When I notice myself feeling judgmental and beginning to limit what they say to me, I consciously have been trying to hold my reactions back and give them the freedom and safety to say what they need to say. I imagine holding my hands open.

• When you are listening, pay attention to whether you are encouraging people to open up, stiffen up, or shrink down.
• When you are sharing yourself to others, recognize that just because others are poor listeners, doesn’t mean that you need to minimize yourself. Continuing to share yourself openly can be an act of courage.

Do you have a question for Patti? Send an email to patti@pattilind.com and it may be answered in next month's newsletter.