Patti Lind - Communication at Work


March 2008

Focus, Focus, Focus

In my first newsletter, the "teambuilding tip" was to identify your team’s communication values. Hopefully, you came up with something along these lines: "We value 'going directly', being respectful in manner, actively listening, etc."

To further refine your team values, pick one value this year and make it your goal to develop everyone’s ability in this one area. For example, if you focused on "going directly", you could work on a specific aspect of that value each month during your team meetings. These questions might be helpful in a group discussion: When is it appropriate to let a problem go and not address it? What is our responsibility when someone comes directly to us? If someone is punishing me for coming to them directly, how can I address that?

People Skills
by Robert Bolton

This is the book I most frequently recommend when it comes to learning basic communication skills. It covers in detail the two major skill-areas that I think are most important in effective communication: listening and asserting. His chapter on assertion was particularly eye opening to me, and my ability to improve in that area greatly influences my negotiations with difficult situations.

This is the one year anniversary of the Communication at Work eNewsletter. I am happy to say that I have received so much positive feedback over the year! Thank you to all who have shared your encouragement with me and shared this newsletter with your friends and colleagues!

Effective Listening: Asking Questions and Holding Off on Solutions

Sometimes I have a conversation with a friend or colleague that didn't go quite as well as it could. When I think back on why this happened, it's usually because I wasn't being a good listener. Effective listening is the skill that I struggle with the most and it's particularly an issue when it comes to listening to someone talk about a problem they are facing. It is amazing how quickly I start offering solutions from my own life's perspective.

I was able to address this problem recently when I attended a lecture on Coaching and Listening by Teddy Gardner (partnershipworks@comcast.net). She worked with us on recognizing that each person has the wisdom and ability to solve his or her own problems. An effective listener/coach can help that person tap into their inner capability by asking "what" questions. Here are some of the questions that we practiced in class:

What do you want?
What are you afraid of?
What’s one thing you could do?
What would make the biggest difference right now?
What is between you and what you want?
What are you holding back?
What is this costing you?
What do you really, really want?

Later, I was able to test my new effective listening skills when I spoke to a colleague who was reflecting on his personal career goals. I decided to take the time to sit down with him and ask only "what" questions. It was challenging for me because at several points in the conversation I wanted to insert my own experience and advice. However, I refrained from doing so, and the ultimate outcome was that I learned a great deal more about my colleague and built a stronger connection.

Do you have a question for Patti? Send an email to patti@pattilind.com and it may be answered in next month's newsletter.

March 2008