Find Your "Home Plate"

There are so many people who tell me: "I feel isolated at work, meetings are held without me, people talk behind my back, people don't take me seriously, my co-workers don't respect me."

When I hear those sentiments, the first thought that comes to my mind is, "I'll bet you are harder to work with than you realize." When people exclude and avoid one person, it is often because of the way that person acts. The most common behavior I have seen that leads to exclusion is being erratically emotional.

Emotion about your ideas and concerns can be a good thing, unless it is louder than your words. I frequently am telling people, "Your frustrations and impatience are getting out ahead of your words. When you do that, people are going to set up barriers to defend themselves and your words won't reach them."

If you are a person who is more emotionally inclined, start to develop a "home plate." Home plate is the place you can go to before you begin to speak, so that your words can get out ahead of your emotions. For me, home plate is when I think I am "at my best" as a person. I feel steady, my voice is relaxed and warm, I can look at someone with kindness, and I am reaching out in a spirit of collaboration.

First step: Identify what home plate is for you. Practice finding it during every day conversations. I started practicing it when I noticed that I wasn't bringing my full attention into a conversation when someone needed to talk with me. I tried to become mindful of each conversational moment I was having with people.

Second step: Create a quick reminder for yourself. For me it is lowering my shoulders, taking a slow breath and pausing. Coincidentally enough, this is exactly what I do the moment before I swing a golf club; that is my home plate.

Third step: Give yourself as much time as it takes to get to home plate. If you need to wait until tomorrow and the situation allows for it, then take the time. Eventually you will want to get to the point where you can get there in a matter of moments.

Once you arrive at home plate you can now proceed to First Base. Start speaking to your colleagues in a manner that helps them feel safe in conversations with you, and maintains your credibility as someone who has thoughtful and important things to say. This takes time and effort; to become extraordinary at anything our brain needs opportunity to grow and develop around a new skill. Be patient and you will find that this will become more natural to you.

Do you have a question for Patti? Send an email to patti@pattilind.com and it may be answered in next month's newsletter.