Patti Lind - Communication at Work


October 2008

Be Careful not to Bond by Complaining!

Be careful about allowing your team to complain about another team in the office (e.g. RNs complaining about MAs). While you want to encourage your team to bond together, one not-so-great way that teams quickly do this is by creating an outside foe within their own company. This can become a significant distraction and can prevent the whole building from operating together effectively.

How to handle the situation when your team is complaining about another department? Your best bet is to identify the issues that your team wants to solve and then schedule occasional joint meetings with the other team to work out problems together.

How to Win Friends and Influence People
by Dale Carnegie, 1936

A friend of mine recently lent me this book, which I have heard about my whole life but had never picked up a copy. It was written in 1936, and is a treasure.

Carnegie writes in an engaged, conversational style and each chapter is a delightful read about what it takes to get along with others. He covers everything from the total uselessness of criticism, to the importance of learning people's names, to the value in recognizing that every person wants and needs to feel important. And for you history buffs, the vintage quality of his writing and the stories he tells from the turn of the previous century are quite wonderful.

Know the Difference between Good and Bad Humor

During the past month two separate people have asked me to address the impact of negative humor in the workplace. Both of these individuals talked about the damage that can be done when anger and frustration are masked as humor.

I love to laugh, and I usually find humor in situations that many people don't find all that funny. I enjoy teasing, cajoling, and frequently take a little "joke break" in the middle of serious conversations. Humor can be a very good thing in a work environment when it is used to build people up.

But when humor is used negatively, it can be demeaning and very destructive to a work team. For example, people often use humor to indirectly address what is bothering them. Instead of facing problems directly, they use humor in a "digging" fashion or embarrass their colleagues through teasing. Sarcasm can be very confusing, diminish the value of a heartfelt effort and create a culture where caring about your work seems like a weak thing to do.

Finally, work groups often like to tell stories about their colleagues behind their backs. If everyone is laughing while the victim is not around, it seems harmless enough, but the truth is that any storytelling about someone else's life that casts them in a poor light isn't worth telling.

Here are some tips for emphasizing positive humor around the office:

Be aware of your own use of humor. Make sure the humor you're using builds relationships rather than making your relationships more vulnerable.
Learn how to call out humor that is damaging. If you are on the receiving end of negative humor, you can respond by saying, "It sounds like something is bothering you. What's up?" Or, "I know you are just teasing me, but I'm not finding that funny."
If someone is telling a story about a colleague in their absence, speak up and defend the person. It takes courage to be serious in the face of other people’s laughter, but it will lead to increased trust.

Do you have a question for Patti? Send an email to patti@pattilind.com and it may be answered in next month's newsletter.

October 2008